June 2021
This month’s voice:
Jared McKee, “Departure from Korea: A Journey in Healing and Wellness”
Introduction
Lindsay Herron
Editor, KOTESOL Voices
Many KOTESOL Voices pieces are deeply moving and memorable, but I think this might be the first one that actually made me tear up. I know Jared McKee as a quietly ebullient, inquisitive, energetic presenter and scholar; when I invited him to create a piece for us, I thought he might offer a perspective on his return to the U.S., starting a teaching business, or the process of applying to graduate school. What he has written touches on all that and more: it is a candid, profoundly personal, inarguably poignant exploration of mental health and the way our mental wellbeing intersects with all aspects of our life, coloring our perspectives and decisions at an almost elemental level and deserving the same care and consideration we give our physical wellbeing. Reading this piece reminded me that we only know what people choose to show us; I had no idea of the tumult hiding beneath Jared’s confident surface, and I wonder who else might also be silently suffering. I hope others will draw strength and inspiration from Jared’s words; and if you’re struggling with similar mental health issues, please consider his advice carefully. We love you; we support you; we want you to thrive.
Departure from Korea: A Journey in Healing and Wellness
Jared McKee
A Hasty but Important Departure
It was Thursday, May 21, 2020, and I had decided to quit my job at my university in Busan. I had been suffering from the effects of the pandemic, including anxiety, depression, and other factors that had kept me huddled in my home for months. After the loneliness, fatigue, and ongoing difficulties with my mental health, I’d had enough of it all and felt that it was necessary for me to leave Korea and have some recovery time from the condition that I had suffered with since I was 17, bipolar disorder.
Mental health is an issue that many in Korea do not think anything about. People don’t address it, because they are too afraid of the stigma and what people think. Many English teachers suffer from anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions and don’t know what to do about it. They might stay in South Korea or might have to leave just like I did. It’s a matter that I want to fight hard for, because I think that it is important to raise awareness of the issues that mental health brings and the kind of toll that it takes on many people. I think that because of the rate of suicides, which has undoubtedly increased during this pandemic, we need to find ways of dealing with the mental health battles that come our way. English teachers, especially, need to see what they can do about it and find solutions to dealing with it while in Korea or while adjusting to a new environment.
The Road to Recovery
After I returned to the U.S. from Korea, I was in a moment of healing, and it was difficult to readjust right away to my surroundings. I was concerned about many things, including getting a new teaching business started, but I was not thinking straight. And it seemed that my impaired mental state would continue for months following my coming back to the United States. But I soon realized that I needed to take care of my mental health to prevent it from going any further in a direction of desperation and decline.
While I was regretful for leaving Korea in such haste, I knew that it was the best decision that I could make. I needed to get out of there as fast as I could, because I knew that my safety was at risk. Living alone in a country where there were few people who could help me close to me made it seem evident that I needed to leave the country to take care of my health. Getting back to America was helpful because I had family on whom I could lean to get through that period of recovery in every way.
New Work and New Goals
After about seven months of resting from work, I was able to resume my professional activity in January 2021. I started to teach online for two companies, where I now teach debate skills and public speaking skills to Chinese students (ages 9-12) and EFL to adults. Later, I took up two other positions teaching and tutoring writing to secondary and university students. I was able to get back into the groove of teaching again, and it felt amazing to return to the field that I once loved. I started to develop new goals for this year, including pursuing a Ph.D. In the end, I was accepted to two Ph.D. programs, neither of which could provide the funding that I was seeking this year, but I am deferring admission until next year. All along, I was able to put aside all the difficulties and challenges of last year to realize that I could indeed move forward and leave Korea behind. It was a chapter that had closed—although unexpectedly, rapidly, and perhaps earlier than I had imagined or intended. I understood that I could achieve my goals and move to a new level of professional experience while pursuing higher education, and I look forward to seeing where everything leads.
What I Learned from the Experience of a Mental Health Crisis
What I was able to take from this experience of a mental health crisis was that we cannot take anything for granted. Our health is one of the most important things that we can have. If we don’t have health, we cannot become the teachers we want to be. We will be limited by what we can’t do. Taking care of your health is of utmost importance, especially if you’re an expat living in Korea. That was something I definitely did not realize at the time until it was too late and I had left the country. I also learned the importance of family and friends to help one navigate the hurdles of mental illness. I credit my parents and brothers who brought me through this time and accompanied me through the difficulties of this past year. They have been there for me in ways that I am grateful for in retrospect.
Tending to one’s mental health in Korea is one of the most important things a person can do. Think of all the things that affect one’s mental stamina and ability while working in a foreign country. The language and cultural barriers create walls between foreigners and Koreans and makes it difficult to create relationships, which leads to feelings of isolation and intense loneliness. Additionally, the stresses of living in a foreign country where they don’t speak English makes it that much more difficult to function at a high level, especially if you struggle with a mental illness. Therefore, finding coping mechanisms is an essential part of having a wellness plan, including rest and sleep, exercise, good nutrition, and eliminating stress and worry about life. All of these things have helped me as I have transitioned out of life in Korea to living life in the States with my family. I realize that my experience in Korea has led me to develop a long-term recovery plan that will help me to stay well in the future and avoid any kind of relapse like the one that I experienced in 2020.
My Advice to English Teachers in Korea
As I reflect on my experience this past year, I must say that, if you want to feel well, you have to be proactive about your mental health. Don’t ever take it for granted. Do the things that you can to stay well and manage your symptoms. But if things get bad enough that you consider fleeing the country to go back home, then I would say, do it. Don’t neglect your health so much that you compromise and cause yourself more pain and suffering. If you need to go home and be with your family and have time to recover, then do so, as soon as you can, before things get out of hand. It takes some courage to make the decision, but it is well worth it in the end. Don’t fear what other people think or what you think you should be doing. Do what helps you function best and what will help you thrive in the end.
To all those who are in Korea and must stay there due to family reasons or simply because you cannot go back home, I would say that you should get help if you are feeling depressed or anxious. Find a doctor or a therapist to talk to about your condition. Don’t let it fester and get you off track. Mental health is just as much of a problem as any medical condition. Find people who can help you take care of your mental health. Maybe that could include medication and/or therapy, for example. It is all worth it. All of us are looking to be well in 2021. I say this out of love and consideration: don’t procrastinate on your mental health. You can thrive with your mental health as long as you take care of it and achieve your dreams. Mine is a story of recovery and success, after having taken the initiative to treat my mental health. It can be your story, as well, as you seek to take control over your mental state and do the things to make you well.
About the Author
Jared McKee is an online English speech and debate, conversation, and writing teacher who repatriated to the United States in May 2020 after having spent nearly four years in South Korea as an assistant professor in Busan and English language teacher in Paju. He is an advocate for mental health. His interests include literacy, speech and debate pedagogy, and bilingualism.
